What Jiu Jitsu Can Teach You About Feedback

It had been more than 10 years since I’d stepped onto the mats. I grew up practicing martial arts, but never got into Jiu Jitsu. I always wanted to. A few months ago, I finally dropped the excuses and tried it.

So far, I’m loving every minute of it.

The effectiveness of this martial art is next level. The learning curve is humbling. I was in much worse shape than I thought. We do hour-long sessions with 30 minutes of sparring every session, and by the end of it, I can barely remember my name.

There are many things that have been cool about learning this new skill. But what surprised me most is how feedback-centered the culture of Jiu Jitsu is.

And it makes sense. In a discipline so grounded in technique, where the smallest tweak can change everything, feedback is not a special event. It’s simply part of how you get better. How else are you supposed to learn?

This got me thinking: Why don’t organizations operate like this when it comes to feedback? Feedback is one of the most powerful performance tools we have. Yet in many organizations, it is inconsistent, vague or avoided altogether. Why does something so essential feel so threatening?

I think I know why. Most of us have been burned by bad feedback. And if we’re honest, we’ve probably given some poor feedback too. I know I have.

Bad feedback leaves a mark. It creates defensiveness. It erodes trust. And once that happens, feedback becomes something people survive, not something they seek.

Which brings me back to the question: Why can’t organizations operate like a Jiu Jitsu dojo?

I believe culture is at the center of the answer.

Here are two ideas to help us build the right feedback culture so we can elevate performance together.

1. Start With Mindset

At the dojo, everyone is there to learn. That’s the mindset. And it changes everything.

When I step onto the mat, I know I’m going to mess things up. I know I’ll get caught. I know I’ll tap. The fear of making mistakes is gone. In fact, I want to make mistakes because that’s how I improve faster.

It reminds me of Facebook’s early mantra: "Move fast and break things." That culture fueled massive growth. Of course, depending on your job, this has to be calibrated. You don’t want a surgeon taking the “break things” approach.

But for most roles, mistakes are not catastrophic. They’re data. They’re feedback. They’re reps.

So how do we build that kind of culture? With intention. And by example.

If you want your team to be willing to take risks and stretch themselves, celebrate intelligent mistakes. More importantly, celebrate what was learned from them. In every mistake, there’s a small or big adjustment that makes you better next time.

Which brings me to the second point.

2. Get The Feedback Formula Right

If we want people to be open to feedback, the way we deliver it matters. And this is where Jiu Jitsu surprised me.

I was sparring with one of the coaches. I was clearly out of my depth. Everything I did made things worse. But the worst part was how exhausted I felt. I was desperately trying to create space to breathe while he was crushing me with pressure.

It didn’t take long before I tapped.

I crawled to the wall and sat down, breathing like my life depended on it. I noticed my coach sat down next to me. He waited a few seconds until I recovered my composure, then he asked me if I knew why I was so tired.

My internal answer was, “Because you were on top of me, crushing me?” Out loud I said, “Because I’m out of shape.”

He said no, and told me it was because I was making too much effort trying to push him off of me.

Then he introduced me to something called framing. Using elbows and knees to create structure and space, instead of pushing with raw force. He showed me. Then he asked me to try it on him. He corrected a few things. Then asked me to do it again.

That was it. I learned. Not perfectly. But I learned.

Why was that so effective?

Let me break it down using a framework I teach my clients at The Humphrey Group for delivering feedback: LIFT. The idea is simple. When you give feedback, your goal is to "lift" performance.

L stands for "Locate the right moment." I stands for "Identify the behavior." F stands for "Focus on the impact." T stands for "Turn toward growth."

Let’s apply it.

• Locate the moment. My coach gave the feedback right after it happened. But he also waited until I was ready to receive it. Thirty seconds earlier, I wouldn’t have heard a word. Five minutes later, the moment would have lost its power.

• Identify the behavior. He asked a question. A powerful move. He led me to reflect. Then he named the specific behavior that was hurting my performance. I was pushing instead of creating structure.

• Focus on the impact. He explained why I was exhausted. My muscles were burning because I was fighting the wrong battle.

• Turn toward growth. He showed me a better technique. In the workplace, this is where we offer an alternative, or co-create one if we don’t have the answer. What matters is that there’s a clear way forward. And before he walked away, he made me test it.

That’s feedback that LIFTs.

Maybe the reason feedback feels heavy in organizations is because we treat it like judgment instead of coaching.

On the mat, feedback is neutral. It’s not about who you are. It’s about what works.

Imagine if our teams operated like that. Immediate. Specific. Impact-focused. Growth-oriented.

No drama. No ego. Just reps.

Because at the end of the day, whether on the mat or in the meeting room, we’re all just trying to get better. And the fastest way to improve is simple.

Tap. Learn. Adjust. Repeat.

Ready to make feedback a true performance driver on your team? Check out our Inspiring Feedback program and discover how to turn everyday moments into opportunities for growth.