Nerves: The Signal You’ve Been Misreading

But here’s the catch.

When your muscles tense, your breathing changes. It becomes shorter, shallower and tighter, just like when you squeezed your fist earlier.

And when your breathing changes, your thinking can narrow.

Your brain shifts resources away from complex tasks like memory, language and structured thinking to focus on survival. It doesn’t care about your polished opening line, but it does care about keeping you safe.

That’s why you often walk out of a big presentation thinking, “I don’t even remember what I said.” Sound familiar?​

Why Do We Get Nervous?

The last month has been a masterclass in nerves for me.

High-pressure client sessions. A few podcast invitations. And my first martial arts tournament in over 20 years. Jiu Jitsu, if you’re wondering.

Different situations. Same feeling: nerves.

So, I started asking: Why now? The answer was simple: I cared.

Every one of those moments mattered to me. I wanted to perform well. I wanted to be seen as capable. I didn’t want to embarrass myself.

And then came the stories. What if I mess this up? What if I’m not as good as they think? What if I embarrass myself?

That’s when nerves escalate. Not because of the situation itself but because of the meaning we attach to it.

Research in performance psychology and stress response shows we’re most likely to feel this kind of pressure when situations are goal-relevant, uncertain, socially evaluated and high-stakes.

In other words: when something matters and we’re not fully in control.

How To Make Nerves Your Ally

A client recently asked me, “How do I get rid of my nerves?”

I told them, trying to sound like a wise martial arts master: "You’re asking the wrong question." The better question is: "How do I make them my ally?"​

​1. Align your mindset with reality.

At our company, we say leadership requires courage. Acting despite fear.

But let’s be clear. Stepping into something you’re not prepared for is gambling.

So, start here instead. Ask yourself: Do I have what I need for this moment? Do I have the knowledge, the skill, the preparation?

If the answer is no, the solution is preparation. But if the answer is yes, then the work shifts.

When your brain believes the demands of a situation exceed your resources, it moves into a threat state. That’s when performance drops.

But when your brain believes you can handle the moment, that same activation becomes a challenge state. Same elevated heart rate, same energy, but a different outcome.

So, instead of saying “I’m nervous,” try saying “I’m ready,” “This matters” or “My body is preparing me.”

This kind of mindset preparation can change performance. Research featured by The Atlantic and Harvard Business School showed a 22% improvement in math scores from a simple shift like this.

​​2. Breathe.

Your breath is your fastest lever.

When your breathing is shallow, your body stays in stress mode. It also throws off the balance your body uses to regulate CO₂ and deliver oxygen effectively, keeping your brain in reactive mode and making it harder to access clear, structured thinking. When you slow it down, you send a signal: We're okay.

Try square breathing: Inhale for three seconds, hold for three, exhale for three and exhale a second time for three. Repeat four to five times.

The goal is not to calm down; it’s good to stay activated. But you want to be grounded and able to think clearly.

3. Direct your focus outward.

Nerves get louder when attention turns inward.

Maybe you're asking yourself: “What am I doing?” or “How do I look?” or “What if I fail?”

Instead, shift outward. Ask questions like: Who am I here to serve? What does my audience need? What impact do I want to create?”

Purpose quiets noise, and focus can follow.​

​The Idea To Take With You

You’re misreading the signal if you think your nerves mean that something is wrong.

Remember that your nerves are a sign that something matters, and they’re evidence that you care.​

The goal is to make nerves your ally.​